I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
