She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
