Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
