so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
