i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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