Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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