New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
