Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
