too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
