So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my liver is dry heaving
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
