sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
