A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
