You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
50% drunk capacity currently
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
