i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
