Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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