I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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