Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
pray to the hookup gods
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
