May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
