Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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