It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
