There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
