All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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