i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
