So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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