Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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