where am i from again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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