1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
