He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
