I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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