just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
