That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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