omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
