The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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