Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize