she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
