At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
