so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
