you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
