Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
