And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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