Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
