Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize