just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
