I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
