Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
