I wannas sexs uuuuu
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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