dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
