is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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