Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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