Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
