This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize