i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
