I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
