You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
barbara walters just said penis...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize