1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
