I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
