Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
