i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
