and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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