His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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