it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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