If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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