haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
