oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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