Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Green mimosas i think yes
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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