So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
