drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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