I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
