could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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