I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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