i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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