for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
